Disaster Movie

“Directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer”.  Is there any other credit that injects such overwhelming fear and disgust into the hearts of cinephiles and casual film-goers alike worldwide?  In recent years, these two “directors” have destroyed the art of moviemaking on levels that rival that other, villain of the internet, director – Uwe Boll. But even some of Boll’s worst schlock looks like Citizen Kane-esque works next to the output of the Friedberg/Seltzer “Movie” movie factory. These films resemble the result of bored monkeys at your local zoo – they’re just mammals throwing poop (poop jokes, in this case) at a wall (or on film) just to see what sticks. And with their latest effort, Disaster Movie, even less sticks then usual.

As anyone who has ever had the displeasure of watching one of these new-age “spoofs” knows, they have an extremely thin plot – or what passes for a plot with these guys. In Disaster Movie, Matt Lanter (Star Wars: The Clone Wars) plays Will, a commitment-impaired man, who cannot provide the relationship that his girlfriend. Amy (Vanessa Minnillo), desperately would like to have. Somehow, predicted by Will’s dream of Amy Winehouse and 10,000 B.C, the world begins to end, leading Will and his band of friends, Calvin (G. Thang), Lisa (Kim Kardashian), and Juney (Crista Flanagan doing a spot-on take of Ellen Page), to save Amy from the Museum of Natural History.

Within the first five minutes, the audience is treated to such comedic gold as Amy Winehouse belching for 2 minutes straight or Will waking up next to Flava Flav (a joke already used in Epic Movie).  In the first half-hour, an ungodly amount of laughter-stifling send-ups are used, almost to the point where one does not have time to roll their eyes before the next joke is already up to bat. To put it into mathematical terms, within the first 30 minutes, there is an unfunny joke every 15 seconds, although there’s only a pity chuckle once every 20 minutes or so. This leaves you with a joke-to-laugh ratio of only 80:1 – making for one extremely gag-inducing, and very humorless, first act.

Read more: Growing Memes